Day 33: Still longing

This, from one of my fave shows:

R: You're right. I do care. I want stupid koala corsages, and  prom. I want to have kids with someone who loves me, enough to stand outside the window with a stupid boombox...I want to be human

-- Oh, Rebekah. I feel you.

Day 22: Longing

I know, I promised to write everyday. But I ask pardon (to myself) for not being able to do that.
But anyway, let me just write.
Write, whenever I can. Write, whenever something moves, or touches my heart...

I walk an all-familiar path. No it wasn't the previous one. It's towards a different direction now.
But the path is just like the other. It's not laden with roses, and green grass, and shading trees., but one with bumps, and cracks, and humps.

But I know I can get through this.
Because I know it will take me...well, not to a park, but to a destination that I dreamt to be in.

So, I remind myself that there are better things to do than to worry, better things to do than to be depressed.
I just need to have the same amount of courage, and of course...patience.

So I tread the path. I just keep walking.

Day 8-10: Be Still

"When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with you above the storm.
Father, you are King over the floods.
I will be still and know that you are God."  -- Still, Hillsong

Three days of non-stop rains, bringing flood to many parts of the metro.
During these times, I tried my very best to report to work.
Being in the media, I know that it is during these times that I am needed in the workplace.
It is fulfilling that I was able to do my part and do what is asked of me.

But then, there are a lot of things to be done as well, out of it.

The floods affected the lives of many people, and so, those who have the capacity to help others should do so. These times, I look forward to being of help.

Day 7: True Shame vs. False Shame

During the last "The Feast" session, Brother Bo Sanchez explained the difference between true and false shame.

First of all, we define shame. It is that feeling of guilt, embarassment when we have done something that is not good.

But when does it become true?

Brother Bo says we experience true shame when we sin. When we have done something offensive, hurtful against the Lord.

Other than that, we experience false shame.

Day 6: "You earn your stripes"

This is a statement my boss usually tells us. It means, before you brag about or be proud of something, make sure you have worked hard -- blood, sweat, and tears for it.

There are people who walk around the earth thinking they are the best, smartest person ever lived. When in fact, there are things which he/she are lacking. Huwag tutularan.

There are times when I felt unsure of things I'm doing -- am I doing it right? Am I making good decision? Am I good enough. When these happen, I get disappointed. But I try not to let that disappointment get the best of me. I take it as part of a learning process.

When you "try to earn your stripes" -- you get lost, you stumble, you make mistakes. But you don't stop. You go on, and try to do things right. Because later on, you will realize that the bruises you gained when you stumble, the discovery you get when you don't know your way out, the many times you correct yourself -- will be your armor that will take you to the right path. 

By that, you become more confident to face life, you become more strong, and ready to face people -- people who may question you, people who may try to look for your flaws just to put you down.

Day 5: The heart has so much room for love

Before, I would really stiffen or get snobbish whenever that person is around. Maybe because, I was trying really hard to keep it to myself, and have things done my own way.

Before, my heart was clouded with bitterness, or surrounded by this wall that distances myself from potential persons who would like to explore it.

But I guess, when it hit you, it really does. And no matter what anxiety or fears you have, you just have to admit that you are loving, or at the very least being attracted to someone.

One of the nicest things that happened to me, recently was going back to the catholic community  / group I am part of. You see, I was out of touch for a while -- missing some mission projects or "households" with my sisters. Now, I'm becoming more active again -- participating in worship services, and listening to motivational talks.

During one of The Feast's sessions I have attended, Bro Bo said: 

"Disappointments will always come your way when you expect or seek love from others. With God, that will never happen."

It's a statement that helped me calm this anxious heart. It's always good to admire, to care, and to express love for others. But you cannot expect them to reciprocate it. When you do expect them to love you in return, it will just hurt you. So, instead of focusing on that, why not just love as you love the Lord? It's better that way. "Loving others as a reflection of your love for Him." In this way, things become more at peace, and it gives you more right, more freedom to express your love.

A friend recently revealed a special relationship with another friend. It was something that awed me. In a way, I was kind of expecting that from them, I just didn't want to appear snoopy or something. But anyway, it was a remarkable thing. I admire people who are able to express their love, to the point of not thinking about any differences or any inhibitions. So, to them...you know who you are, always remember to center your relationship on Him :)

As for me, I really yet to know. All I know is that I am admiring somebody. Though I don't have any idea where this will lead me, I am happy. Happy because I know the Lord is giving me opportunities for simple encounters, for simple glances, and for the mere presence :)

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Day 4: It was just another day

It's another extension of days 2 and 3.

Each day, you try to be better. Translating that in the workplace...you try to work with less mistakes, you try to be more accurate.

In life, you try to be the best person you can be. Someone with values, someone who's more loving, grounded. Someone who's not easily swayed or frightened.

I panicked today when a colleague aggressively pitched a sports story. When that person learned that we won't be airing the story, that person got really defensive and told that ** was only pitching a story and was simply trying to help out. That person went on to say "I tried my best"

That made me feel guilty at first. I felt as if I am letting something slip away from me.

The realization came later on that I could have given that person a piece of my mind.

But anyway, I know experience will teach me to be brave.

Thought to ponder:

Unremarkable days such as this remind me of life's normalcy. It's something that can keep one steady amid a fast-paced, cut-throat lifestyle.

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